Don't Let Me Breathe
by NeverMessWithTeddyBears
Summary: When you keep it all in, you need to let it out somehow. It's not always in the way you expect; tears and screams; but it's cutting and scars.


**Don't Let Me Breathe**

* * *

She keeps it all in; the emotions, the memories, the visions. It's hard, but she does that. She keeps everything in, bottles it up and turns it into strength. She doesn't cry.

She waits until she's in the safety of her room, with the doors locked, the outside world hidden with the drapes, the safety spells casted. She cries when she is alone and she sobbs and her mascara runs and she muffles her screams with a pillow and her magic goes wild.

(_Sometimes she cries in the bathroom, where she is completely safe; no windows, just one door, barely any stuff to break at all._)

It has been months and she has seen death (_and lots and lots and lots of it_) and everything is just a blur; a mixture of black and green and red (_the black nights, the green forests, the red blood everywhere she turned around_). A bad dream that she mistaken for reality?

Too bad it's not.

* * *

One day she breaks.

She _fucking_ breaks and everyone's there and she is crying and she isn't beautiful when she cries (_that's Elena; Elena does everything perfectly_) and it's almost the same as crying in her room but this time there is no pillow to muffle her screams.

Stefan closes his eyes and Caroline's hands go to her ears. Their ears can barely handle the screams. Jeremy's eyes water and Elena leaves the room (_probably to cry perfectly again_).

Damon does none of those things, though. He doesn't even blink. He just walks towards her and sits on the floor, pulling her close to him and as she leans to lay against his chest he starts rocking slowly _back_ and _forth_. _back-and-forth_. Saying nothing but simply rocks. _**backandforthbackandforth**_.

(_Her screams are muffled by his jacket._)

Caroline joins them on the floor, sitting to the right and Stefan brings a chair in front of them and takes a seat. Jeremy stays on the couch. They don't move for hours. Caroline cries silently, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. Stefan doesn't cry - not visibly. He cries on the inside; his walls are rough (_but they slightly crumble by the fourth hour and he breaks the armreast of his chair_). Jeremy's eyes water and soon he gets up from the couch he's been sitting on and starts pacing around the room. And Damon? Damon starts lightly humming. He humms and, oddly, it's reasurring. good. _comfortable_.

(_Elena's in the kitchen and when she comes back a little after the first hour with tea and blood bags and sandwiches she leaves quickly. She can't handle to see them like this. She's too weak._)

* * *

On the sixth hour, she moves away from his embrace quickly. She gets up on her feet and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She goes to leave the room and the only thing that's making any noise is the clicking of her shoes.

"What's wrong, Bonnie?", when Damon speaks his voice is hoarse and broken from the long silence. She turns around, her hands slightly shaking by her side.

"Nothing."

_Leave me the fuck alone._

* * *

Her closet is starting to fill with the color black. She prefers black. It's sad. Depressing. _Perfect_.

* * *

"What the hell happened yesterday?"

Bonnie turns around to face Elena who's standing next to her locker in the hallway. She continues putting the rest of her books in her bag and snorts, "Like you care.", when Elena opens her mouth to speak, she cutts her off, "You weren't even there."

Elena shakes her head, "You know that's not-"

"Save it 'Lena.", she is fucking tired and she doesn't have time for this shit. The lights above her go wild and she takes a few deep breaths.

"Damon's worried about you.", Elena says and she doesn't know if that's concern or jealousy in her voice.

"Tell him not to be.", she says quickly and starts to leave, "I'm fine.", before she turns around, she pulls the sleeve of her shirt down. Elena's look drops there quickly and she sees scars.

"Bonnie, what-"

Bonnie leaves before she finishes the question.

* * *

They fight an army of fucking supernatural beings that are after Elena (_it's always Elena_) and in a flash a vampire throws her againt a tree, his hand gripped around her neck. His eyes go up and down her neck and she holds her breath in.

"You have _no_ idea how long it has been since I tasted blood.", he says, his nose lightly touching her neck, "_Especially witch's_.", he ends with a smile and she can see his face transforming; his fangs coming out.

She tries to concentrate, tries to bring her magic to the surface. But she feels like there's no strenght left in her body; she's drained, the adrenaline of the previous fight slowly disappearing. She closes her eyes and screams when she feels her skin breaking under the pressure of his fangs. Blood is slowly falling down her neck and suddenly she feels the weight from her body disappearing and the hands around her neck are now gone. Her legs are weak and she falls to the ground, the leaves softening her fall.

"Bonnie.. Bonnie!", she hears a familiar voice yelling and feels a hand squeezing hers, "What the fuck happened?!"

Stefan and the rest of them come closer, "For a second we lost sight of her-"

"You lost sight of her? She almost got killed! Stefan, if she dies, I swear-"

"I know."

She tries to find the strenght to squeeze back.

"_Bonnie_.. Bonnie, can you hear me?"

Damon bites his wrist and blood slowly starts dripping.

"Drink, Bonnie, _drink_.", she can hear Elena's (_perfect_) crying and Caroline's silent prayers, "And don't die."

For a moment she wishes she does.

* * *

When she wakes up she's in a bed twice her size and he's sitting next to her, leaned back in his chair, his eyes dark.

"You couldn't _possibly_ think I wouldn't see them, now could you?"

She knows he's talking about the scars.

"Damon, I-"

"They're healed now.", he cuts her off and gets up from the chair, straightening his shirt, "You don't need to hide them anymore."

She can't find it in herself to look him in the eyes.

"And don't worry - I won't tell anyone. But you could've told _me_."

Before he leaves out the door, she finally speaks.

"It all just got too much."

* * *

He doesn't speak with her for days.

She knows she shouldn't be worried because that's just Damon being _Damon_ and that's all there is to it, but when they don't ask her to help with her powers when she could have helped them easily, she confronts Stefan.

"Damon said to use your powers only when there is no other way. He says you're still weak from the attack.", she opens her mouth to speak, but he cuts her off, "And I agree."

She asks herself why she isn't worried anymore because Damon is definitely _not_ being _Damon_.

* * *

"You could've told me."

He's at her window and she's glad she never invited him in. She walks to where he's sitting on the window-sill and gives him a glare, "Oh, please.", she says slowly, crossing her arms on her chest, "Like you would've cared.", she snorts, "You _still_ don't."

"What happened?"

Her hands fall loose by her side and she turns around, blinking the tears away, "Death.", she says simply, pretending to be busy with putting books in different drawers of her desk, "I relive it every night, Damon.", she turns to face him because, frankly, she doesn't really give a fuck about what he'll think about her, "All of those deaths. Every fucking night, every fucking one of them.", he just looks at her and doesn't say anything, "I can't do it anymore, Damon.", she yells out, "So just snap my neck like you always wanted to an-"

"Invite me in."

"-d that'll b-"

"Invite me in."

"-e it."

She stops talking and looks at him, things flying over the room and lightbulbs breaking. She should've locked herself in the bathroom.

"Come in."

He's surprised she actually did that - that she actually invited him in - but he just walks into her room and hugs her and holds her tight as she tries to escape his grip, her small fists giving all their strenght to move him away.

"It'll get better.", he says once she's finally calmed down, "Trust me."

"Why would I?"

He smiles, "Because I'm always right."

She gives him an aneurism.


End file.
